Ever since we’re young, mostly us girls, we’re surrounded by the world of weddings. We see big castle weddings in our princess movies, our moms tell us how excited they are to help us plan our big day when the time comes, we talk with our friends about how incredible and gorgeous our wedding is gonna be when we’re older.
Ever since we’re young, society tells us HOW we should get married. Society tells us that we should have a big fancy wedding and invite everyone we know. And that, most of the time, without us noticing.
There’s actually two very similar reasons that stops people from eloping.
They’re two really good and understandable reasons, but my questions is: Are they worth it?
Society pressure is the need that we consciously or unconsciously have of wanting to do things the same way as others and conform to “society standards”.
It’s the fear of being judged or not being accepted if we decide to do things differently.
We, humans, all have that little voice inside us that tries to direct the way we feel and take our decisions. And that little voice is often scared. It wants everyone to like us. It wants us to be accepted by others. And the worst is it thinks that to be accepted by others, we need to do things the same way as everyone else.
Since we’ve been seeing big weddings all our life, we unconsciously starts to think that it’s the only way to get married. We start to think that if we do it differently it won’t matter or it won’t be accepted as real.
So our little voice pushes us in the wedding direction.
We, in my opinion, too often listen to that little voice.
The fear of upsetting our close ones
When I talk about elopement, I really often hear this one. The couple would totally love to elope, but they know or think their families would be mad. They don’t want to upset them, so they plan a big wedding instead.
I get that the couple do not want to upset their parents or friends, but there’s one thing I can not understand:
Why would, let’s say a parent, get mad about their son or daughter eloping if that’s what would make them happy?
And the only answer I found is:
Because its different.
People around here are not used of people eloping. It’s not a thing here yet. Most of the time, when I say the word “elopement” it’s the first time ever people hear it, they have no idea what it is.
And you can’t understand what you don’t know, right?!
We’re so used of seeing and hearing about big weddings that we don’t understand why a couple would want to get married alone.
Imagine if since we were young we had been seeing people eloping in every princess or romantic movies we saw.
Imagine how that would change everything.
Big weddings would now be the weird thing, right?!
We would not be used of seeing weddings with guests, so that’d be the kind of wedding people would not understand and be upset about.
A marriage is between two people
Here comes the part where I talk about my personal opinion, but I think a few of you can relate to it so I felt the need to share; a marriage is between two people.
It does not include your parents, it does not include your best friend, your sister, your cousins or anyone else.
So why does your wedding, the very beginning of your marriage, should include them?
OF COURSE you should celebrate that big moment of your life with them.
But it should be like any other big moments of your life.
A good friend of mine is a Birth photographer and I’m telling you, it’s pretty rare than someone else other than the dad(or second mom) is in the room at the moment of birth!
Yes the doctors need space, but not only that, even when it’s a home birth.
The parents want to live that moment together so its THEIRS and no one else’s.
And when the big moment’s over, then the whole family comes to celebrate!
And that’s true with every big moment of your life! First time you get pregnant, buying your first house, etc.
So why should it be different with your wedding?
You deserve that moment to be yours and no one else’s.
I totally get that not everyone thinks that way and that’s TOTALLY FINE!
Tbh, our world would be boring if everyone was thinking the same way ahah!
But if you do think that way, you need to know it’s okay.
You need to know you’re not alone.
My objective is to make this way of getting married NORMAL, for all of you that thinks this way.
So all of you can elope without feeling weird or judged and without making your family mad.
Because HOW you get married matters.
So, is it worth it? Is society gonna stop you from getting married the way YOU want to get married? Or are you gonna help me change things and make that elopement thing a thing ? ;)
Please if you liked this article: leave me a comment below! I love to read your advices!
Violaine is an adventurous wedding and elopement photographer based in Montreal, Canada but she travels worldwide. She loves the intimate, authentic and raw moments that happen each second between two people in love. She believes in the craziness of every couples and that laugh is the best medicine. She’s not afraid of freezing in the cold or getting completely wet under rain, as long as her images reflects her clients personality.
“It’s all about YOUR story. Whoever you are, wherever you go.”